For my final video project, I organized various short clips taken over a few days into the 'routine' or order in which they would normally occur in my day; this gives the film a flow that the audience can follow. As I watch my final product, I'm simultaneously awed, and bored. Awed because I never imagined that I'd make a video about myself, especially in such a strange, indirect manner. Bored because this is my life, and I sort of hate seeing that this video is out there, because I have this feeling that my life isn't interesting, and is especially uninteresting when only seen through small snippets.
This video is compiled of some random moments, and planned recordings. The random moments were actually for the most part quite enjoyable (if not a tad awkward) to film, especially because I wasn't really focusing on filming at the time, just being me while holding an annoyingly observant rectangle. I think my favorite random scene is me leaving my apartment and going out into the world. I never really meant for this scene to be so long, but I didn't feel right cropping it down, since I take that same path out the door almost every single day. It just felt like a newly discovered part of me and my memories. My least favorite random scenes are probably Patrick playing video games on the couch, and me watching YouTube on the couch. They just make me feel so lazy, even though I know that my laziness is either few far and in between, or well-deserved via exhaustion. Random moments aside, I did also plan a few short clips.
I planned to definitely include a clip of me brushing my teeth, as well as a clip of me picking my nose. I chose to focus on brushing my teeth, because of an odd passage in The Circle, where Mae talks about how she's changed how she does and films her morning routine, because of what her watchers like to tune in for. She talks about how surprised she was by how many people wanted to watch her brush her teeth. For some reason, this stuck with me, and I wanted to film a scene of myself brushing my teeth, wondering if I would feel differently about this action if I watched myself do it in the video. And I somewhat did. I also wanted to film myself picking my nose because it's just plain gross. I was so annoyed by how Transparency in the Circle tried to shy away from showing their subjects doing anything gross or unscripted, so I made a point to be gross. Sadly, this is also just part of who I am, I pick my nose sometimes when I'm alone, deal with it universe. Although I definitely had second thoughts while editing, and third, fourth, and fifth thoughts as well, about how it would make me look in society. Yet I persevered. Essentially, I really wanted to make my video just a tad uncomfortable, and a little too relatable / personal.
After viewing my final product after I posted it on a website for the world to see, I wondered about how Mae would have felt if she had spent time re-watching past sessions of Transparency. Would she feel overexposed, nervous, and a teensy bit proud? I did. Granted, I definitely would never have done such a thing were it not for a project; I'm somewhat of a personal person when it comes to social media and the internet, because while I do have accounts, I rarely use them to share moments of my life. I see those moments as mine and mine alone to share with others personally as I see fit. Yet, for some reason, I'm glad that I did this, because it's almost as though I was my own sloppy biographer, taking snapshots of my life as I wen along with no real regard for what mattered and what didn't, just finally remembering that I needed to film something.
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